I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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