"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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