I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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