16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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