it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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