So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It's just like the Real World with babies
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
