This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
