I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
