They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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