I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
