Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize