scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
