If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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