in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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