How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
