i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your cock deserves a montage
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
