I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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