"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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