i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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