Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
