There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
