NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
