My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
