Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize