Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He shit in the fireplace
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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