Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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