puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
