Duck Duck Cougar?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
