update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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