Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I would fuck him just for his dog
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