I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
