best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
