that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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