The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
