so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
