just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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