Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
