We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
