we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
