maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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