and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
