Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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