I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
