One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
