I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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