Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
