Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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