pop tarts are not kleenex
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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