i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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