so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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