if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
