I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize