I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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