why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
