Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
