Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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