people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
