He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dicks are not precious.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
