you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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