Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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