i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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