I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
