I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
