that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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