As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
