Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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