My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
