i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
