I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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