My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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